Having It All - A Constant Struggle

My blog is about a woman who is trying to have it all... I am a new mother, a wife and a business owner and am constantly juggling to make sure I can be the best of all 3 roles....but is it realistic? 

As I sit outside in the Autumn sunshine ignoring the ironing and taking sometime for me by reading my Good Housekeeping magazine and I read of these amazing women who successfully have set up thier own businesses I am inspired.... but in my heart I sometimes think is what I am doing right?

I feel a constant stress, I want the business to work as I want to bring in money and at the moment we don't have enough money coming in for me to stay at home and not work. The business is going well, I have so many jobs on its crazy.... but I could have 100's of jobs but if I don't fill them it doesn't matter ( I only get paid if I fill them) .... The last few weeks I have had a run of interviews where people have been offered and then not accepted which is the MOST frustrating thing ever and has then given me doubt and put me behind on my targets (which I set myself) so I am then feeling MORE stressed.

Because I then feel this extra stress to succeed I then try and work whenever I can, resulting in the housework and laundry being ignored....This in turn stresses me out. I hate having a dirty, messy house and hate seeing piles of laundry....but just think if I don't work I won't get paid and so this can wait and if I make enough money I can pay someone to come in and clean. Now don't get me wrong, I still clean but I feel like I am constantly cleaning up rather than on top of the cleaning.

I then feel like a bad wife as the house is not how I would like it to be for my family and I am often tired and grumpy due to work and feeling annoyed towards the house.

Really - I would love to have enough money that I don't have to work, that I can dedicate the next 15 years to bringing up my daughter and future children (3 is the plan) and then when they are older and I have time to be able to go back to work or run a business. I would like to be a mother who is always there for the children, always has something in the oven, has time to do art work and get creative with them and who creates a welcoming home.... at the moment I am a mother who doesn't have time,is often stressed and finds herself crying out of frustration as I have so much to do and such little time to do it all in.

My husband and I made the descion to struggle for the next few years,we decided to make the sacrifice of having a tight few years now so it would be easier later, we have 2 good cars, a 4 bedroom house and a holiday home in Marbella. If we downsized or sold the holiday home we would have more money and I could stay at home without having to work.... but then in 5 years time when the children are older we wouldn't be in such a good place as we could be.

It's that constant struggle, that constant need to sacrifice and that constant need to work hard now for a better life in a few years time.... I defiantly need to learn how to cope with stress more so I don't feel so overwhelmed ..... only time will tell if it's worth it and if as a mother, wife and business owner you can really have everything.....

Shopping on a Budget

Egh..... money....I have a love hate relationship with money...I love it, but am rubbish with it. Luckily for me I married an accountant, it's a blessing and a nightmare, without my husband I would be in a financial mess, I find it impossible to budget and when I have money love to spend it. However it can also be like being married to your bank manager at times.... 

With me having been on maternity leave (government funded only) and now starting the business up money is very tight, like... size 6 jeans when you are a size 16  - not that I would know what a size 6 would feel like! So I have to do our food shop on a budget, we have £150 a month food money for the 2 of us. It is near impossible to eat healthily and on a budget especially when you see the cheap food (which is full of rubbish) but a huge family pack is £3, however...we just about manage. 

I used to shop at Waitrose pre baby - not all the time but fairly often, I now shop at Lidl and Asda. Actually I am often surprised at Lidl - it's still not Waitrose but it's not too bad and some of the things they do are really good, I just don't think I will ever get over having milk on one side of the aisle and then virtually a combine harvester on the other!

So how do I shop on a budget? Planning, you have to have a good food plan in place. That way you know EXACTLY what you need to buy and when you are going to be using it. I used to just buy a load of meat and a load of veg and cupboard things and then cook on a day to day basis but it's just not feasible as half the time you don't actually have all the ingredients you need. Also I don't know about anyone else but I struggle coming up with new food ideas every week off the top of my head where as planning, you get a few recipe books, write down the menu for the week and job done. 

What do you do to shop on a budget? Do you manage to avoid the wine aisle? Have to say that is where I struggle and where my budget plan can go really wrong!!! 

Here is a meal planner/shopping list I found online which is pretty useful..... you are welcome!!! 

Staying Positive

We all have them.... horrendous days when everything that can go wrong will go wrong. I am having a tough time of it at the moment, I have had about 5 interviews where the candidate has gone, offer made but the candidate has decided that it's not for them. It is the most frustrating and depressing thing that could happen.... especially as if I don't make a placement I don't get paid... Stress anyone?? 

I am normally a positive person but sometimes I feel like the whole worlds is against me or I am not doing things correctly. Its normally at this time where I just want to actually give up rather than face failure. However I can't and I won't and I will have a bit of a cry but then pull myself together and get on with it.... but it can be hard to pull yourself out of a downer, especially when it's just you and you don't have anyone to bounce back off. I am actually a believer in fake it till you make it. 

So here I am ... smile on my face... going out for a coffee with my NCT mummies this morning and then coming home to knock that work out of the park.... 

The Devil of Weight Loss

I am on a mission - it feels like I have been on this mission for years! Weight loss - it's a devil. So pre baby I had successfully lost just over 3 stone in time for my wedding. I was on the weight loss journey before I got engaged and managed to reach my initial goal weight for my wedding.  I would still have liked to lose 1 more stone but I was happy at the weight I was. I had totally changed my eating habits and had developed a really good relationship with food and exercise....but then that whole wedded bliss thing kicked in.... hello 14lbs.... then I became pregnant...omg...I haven't seen weight go on so quickly....so hello 3 stone.... All that hard work....ruined...

Now I am settled into Mummy Life I really am trying to focus on getting my body back. I hate being the size I am, I think it's especially hard as I have been this size before and had lost the weight so know what a slog it was the first time around. I don't want to say that I 'hate' my body as I know you shouldn't but I am totally not happy with the way my body is at the moment. I do really want to do something about it but God it's so hard....its so much easier to have a small bite of something you shouldn't and then say I'll do something about it later than it is just to walk away. The most frustrating thing is that I know exactly what to do to lose weight as have done it before.What's even more annoying is that I know the mistakes I am making even at the time of making them.

So... This is it....my promise to you. I will lose this weight and make sure that looking after me and my body are as close to top of the list as they can get. I have 38lbs to lose.... From now on it will be: 

3  healthy meals a day 

2 healthy snacks 

2 liters of water

Carbs only with breakfast

2 Fast Days a week (Monday & Thursday)

Minimal wine

Exercise 3 times a week

If I could lose that weight before the little ones 1st birthday at the end of January I would be more than happy.

Pre-Wedding - 182lbs

Post Baby - c230lbs

Discovering Sketching

I studied History of Art at University (which people always seem to think isn't a real subject - it's TWO subjects in one people....HISTORY and ART....not easy!!) Anyway, although I can not draw to save my life, I love paintings and art work. Over the weekend I discovered an artist whose sketching I love. To be perfectly honest I had kind of forgotten about sketches and actually how much I really like them. Although I do love paintings I think sketches can seem to have more personality, I feel like it is more of a snap shot of life, of movement and you can imagine the life and personalities of cities, people and environment behind the sketch.

We have a property just outside of Marbella and I LOVE it there, as in I would more out there in a flash if we could. I love everything about Spain especially around Marbella (apart from the huge UK influence of eggs and chips) anyway, the artist I discovered is based in Marbella and a lot of her sketches are based around the area and life along the Costa. The artist is Mercedes Lopez Charro her website has a lot of information about her work and you can also follow her on Instagram and buy her work online at Etsy.

Below are a few of her sketches, my favorite one is the Tapas sketch as I love all of that food and when we are out in Spain the husband and I like nothing more than ordering a few plates of Tapas, a beer and a glass of wine and just watching the world go by. Will defo be purchasing it for our Kitchen. Rediscovering sketching has made me even consider giving it a go myself.... so watch this space! 

Returning to Work After Mat Leave

This is something a lot of my 'Mummy' friends are going through at the moment as quite a few of us all had babies around the same time....in England it is a conundrum that I know so many Mothers (and Fathers) spend time thinking about.... the dreaded return to work. The issues are .... 

>>>Childcare is so expensive so if you work full time you have to pay for childcare full time which on average is around £1200 a month where I live so by the time you have paid that you don't always have a lot left over (depending on your salary of course) 

>>>Then if you do return to work full time you are basically earning money to pay someone else to look after your cherub from 8am - 6pm 5 days a week. 

      
>>>You could go back part time however businesses aren't always so accommodating with this, especially to mothers. If you do go back part time of course your salary is reduced and you still have to pay for childcare. 

>>>The option to work from home - again I don't know many businesses that are that happy about working from home especially if you have a young child as realistically how much work are you actually going to get done. 

So you are faced with the problem of going back to work full time, which realistically you don't want to do as you had a child because you want to spend time with them but you do have bills to pay OR you have a big conversation with your husband and see if financially you can stay at home and be the main care giver to your child and be reliant on your husband financially which although you love your child you are a person as well as a mother and have a brain and want to feel like you contribute to the family bank balance. WHAT A TOUGHIE!!! 

When I speak to friends who live abroad they are shocked at how expensive childcare is here and also how hard it is for a woman to go back to work and still look after your child as you want to. I mean lets face it... it is near impossible... 

And that is why I decided to take the risk and start my own business. I run a recruitment business from home. It's just me doing it and I fit it all in around my Daughter... she does attend nursery 3 afternoons a week which was a really big financial decision as I am just starting the business and financially it is a strain but you need to take the risk somewhere. It's not perfect, she plays by her self in the same room as me and sometimes I have to ignore her if she is winging and I am on the phone. I don't feel like a bad parent at those times but I don't feel like the best parent either...all I hope is that my risk pays off, I can make the business work and those few moments where she is ignored or could do with a bit of play time with Mummy will be made up for when I am there at the school gates, can spend time with her properly in the evenings and not having to do work for a big presentation or can say right... it's a lovely day... lets go to the park. 

            

Has anyone else been faced with this problem? How did you deal with it? 

About Me

So if you hadn't realised..... I am obviously super woman living here on earth.....lol.... no actually I feel like a tired woman (God I'm a woman...thought I was just a girl still!)  who is trying to be a good wife, good mother and run my own business as well... on top of all that I am also on a weight loss mission. You know when you see one of those mothers who have their hair done, nails done, slim , looking good all the time and have about 4 children.... well I am trying to be one of THOSE mothers but without the help at home! I have to admit, I fail most of the time!

Darling - So I am married to a lovely man who I adore. He is an accountant and is very sexy. We have been married for 2 years and have been together for about 7 years. Obviously Hubby is very good with money and I am awful with money. Due to his hard work and us both making sacrifices we live in a lovely house and also have a holiday home in Marbella. I try to do my best to be a good wife, I have the opinion of a woman as a home maker and although I am not quiet or timid I do see more my role of making the house nice etc as well as being there as a wife for him.... the whole 'For wives should be lovers too' has stuck with me for along time.... thanks Burt Bacharach. Also whilst cleaning the house and cooking yummy dinner for Man to come home to (burnt food mainly) I am also on a mission to loose the 50lbs I gained during my bundle of joy emerging.

Mummy - So we currently have one bundle of joy - our daughter who was born in January 2016. Eventual plan would be to try for 3.... but we will see. I have found Motherhood fairly easy ( I know hate me now) but I am the youngest in my family so have seen lots of cousins and my brother go through it all already. I am not a mumsmy mum, I don't do the play groups and find talking about them for hours on end a bit boring. I love my daughter and I love children but I just think there is only so much you can say about your little ones sleep habits.

Director - So I decided to start my own recruitment business whilst on Maternity Leave. I have always moved jobs after a year or so - it's a running joke with my friends- however I think it's mainly because I don't particularly like answering to other people or not having the freedom to do what I want and how I think it should be done. So on top of that and then the fact that once you have a child and try and go back to work you are basically working for peanuts due to childcare costs I decided why not give it a go. So... I work from home whilst looking after little one and have to close my eyes to the laundry in the corner that is calling my name, make sure my daughter is set for 30 mins of play time and then head down and do my best in between cuddles...

So that's me.... Darling MD